The Same Questions, Two Answers

When I began preparing for a Confucius and Chinese Culture Multimedia Contest, I knew many of Confucius’s famous sayings, but not enough understanding of the kind of teacher behind those sayings. The more I read, the less I saw an ancient sage with doctrines. I began to see a teacher who was principled without being rigid, practical without being dismissive, and humble enough to remain a learner himself.

In our video, we acted out one of my favorite stories from the Analects (《论语》). A student named Zilu (子路) asks Confucius, “When I hear something I should do, should I do it right away?” Confucius tells him no: talk to your father and older brothers first. Later, another student, Ranyou (冉有), asks exactly the same question. This time, Confucius says yes, go and do it.

A third student, watching both conversations, is confused by the different answers and asked why. Confucius explained simply:

“求也退，故进之；由也兼人，故退之。”

Ranyou tended to hold back, so I pushed him forward. Zilu tended to rush ahead, so held him back.

Even though the advice was different, the principle was consistent. Confucius was always answering a person, not just a question.

The story reminded me of my Nai Nai (奶奶), who taught elementary-school math for years. She has three grandchildren who could not be more different. My brother once hiked a nearly 6,000-meter volcano overnight and came down half frozen, while my sister is always a quiet thinker. When my brother and I ran into the rain laughing and dancing, my sister stood under the dry roof shaking her head. To my brother, her advice is usually “Are you sure you want to be so hasty?” To my sister, it is usually “Go out, try it. Why not taking a chance?”

Confucius’s advice changed from student to student, but not everything did. When Zigong (子贡) asked whether there was a single word he could live by for his whole life, Confucius answered:

"其恕乎！己所不欲，勿施于人."

Perhaps “consideration.” Do not do to others what you would not want done to yourself.

I had heard the saying many times growing up, usually as a simple lesson about treating others well. Reading it again, I realized that it asks for something harder: stepping outside your own position long enough to imagine someone else’s.

But even principles that sound straightforward, Confucius could be surprisingly skeptical of them when they became too rigid.

Take "言必信，行必果": always keep your word and always carry through your actions. People often quote it as Confucian wisdom. But in his conversation with Zigong, Confucius described someone who lives rigidly by that rule as:

“硁硁然小人哉”

How stubbornly Narrow and small-minded such a person is.

Keeping your word is good. Keeping it no matter what is something else. A principle could be valuable without being absolute. Judgment still mattered.

Generations later, Mencius developed that idea more explicitly:

“大人者，言不必信，行不必果，惟义所在。”

A person of real integrity does not need to keep every word or finish every action, only to do what is right.

Confucius applies the same judgment in governance. According to the Xunzi (《荀子》), while Confucius served as Minister of Justice in Lu (鲁国大司寇), a father brings a case against his own son, accusing him of being unfilial. Confucius detained them both and, for three months, made no ruling. Eventually, the father asks to withdraw the case, and Confucius releases them. Challenged by the Duke of Lu, Confucius replies:

"不教其民而听其狱，杀不辜也。"

To judge the people’s crimes without first teaching them is to punish the innocent.

Even as a judge, he thought like a teacher.

The same practicality appears when Confucius is asked about subjects on which people often want absolute answers. Zilu once asks him how to serve ghosts and spirits. Confucius replies:

“未能事人，焉能事鬼？”

If we cannot yet properly serve people, how can we serve spirits?

When Zilu then asks about death, Confucius answers:

“未知生，焉知死？”

If we do not yet understand life, how can we understand death?

Sometimes Confucius declines to answer at all. Zigong asks whether the dead are aware of anything. Confucius won’t answer and explains that if he says yes, devoted children might spend everything on the dead and neglect the living. If he says no, careless children might stop honoring their parents.

What struck me was that Confucius did not need to settle the metaphysical question before deciding how people should live. His attention returned again and again to the world in front of him: our relationships, our responsibilities, and what our actions actually do to other people.

Again and again, I see a teacher who held two things in balance. He valued rituals but adjusted his guidance to the individual. He valued trust but rejected blind consistency. He respected questions about spirits while repeatedly returning attention to human life. For Confucius, wisdom was how to measure principles against observation, judgment, and an understanding of circumstance.

Confucius did not need an answer to every question in order to be a teacher. Moreover, He was willing to seek out teachers of his own.

In some ways, Laozi was his opposite. The Daodejing (《道德经》) praised water, which wins by yielding, and teaching without words.

The Analects, opens with nearly the reverse,

 "学而时习之，不亦说乎？"

Isn’t it a joy to learn, and to keep practicing what you’ve learned?

Yet according to Sima Qian’s Shiji (《史记》), Confucius once traveled to Luoyang to ask Laozi about ritual. Confucius came back and told his students that birds could be understood because they fly, fish because they swim, and animals because they run—but Laozi was like a dragon riding the wind and clouds.

"吾今日见老子，其犹龙邪！"

Today I met Laozi, and he is like a dragon.

The story brings to mind of Confucius’s own sayings:

“三人行，必有我师焉。”

When walking with others, there will always be someone from whom I can learn.

All of it came back to 仁 (humaneness), the idea at the heart of his teaching. When Zigong asks what it means to be 仁  (humane), Confucius says:

"夫仁者，己欲立而立人，己欲达而达人。"

A humane person, wishing to stand, helps others stand; wishing to succeed, helps others succeed.

He holds Zilu back and pushes Ranyou forward because he wants each of them to grow into the person he is capable of becoming.

So did Nai Nai, telling my brother to slow down and my sister to go outside.